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WoT Parody!!!

I made up the following Julius Caesar parody when I was bored (yes, I know it doesn't make sense cause if Rand was balefired, the Pattern would probably break and she couldn't make this speech, and Rand would never turn to the Dark anyway...or would he?):

Egwene's Explanation Speech on Why She Murdered Rand :

Aes Sedai, Sisters, Friends, hear me for my cause, and be silent, that you may hear.
Believe me for mine honor (although I'm a conniving power-hungry AS), and have respect to mine honor (although I'm much younger than you), that you may believe.
Censure me in your wisdom, and awake your senses, that you may the better judge.
If there be any in this assembly, any dear friend of Rand's, to her I say that Egwene's love to Rand was no less than hers (although it was always only as a friend, and I hated him later on, that arrogant bastard!!).
If then that friend demand why Egwene rose against Rand, this is my answer:
Not that I loved Rand less, but that I loved the world more.
Had you rather Rand were living, and die all slaves of the Dark, than that Rand were dead, to live all free women?
As Rand loved me (he did? ), I weep for him; as he was fortunate, I rejoice at it; as he was valiant, I honor him;
But, as he was ambitious and was about to turn to the Dark in his insanity, I slew him (or rather, balefired).
There is tears, for his love; joy, for his fortune; honor, for his valor; and death, for his ambition.
Who is here so base, that would be a bondwoman?
If any, speak; for her have I offended.
Who is here so rude, that would not be an Aes Sedai of the White Tower?
If any, speak; for her have I offended.
Who is here so vile, that will not love the world and the Light?
If any, speak; for her have I offended. I pause for a reply.

::blah, blah, blah, and so on...::

Min's Monologue =P:

Friends, Sisters, Aes Sedai
Lend me your ears.
I come to pay my last respects to Rand, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them
The good is oft interred with their bones
Unfortunately, Rand doesn't have any cause he was balefired, but...
So let it be (if it can be) w/ Rand newayz.
The noble Egwene hath told you that Rand was ambitious
If it were so, it was a grevious fault, and greviously hath Rand answered it.
Here, under leave of Egwene and the rest, for Egwene is an honorable Sister, so are they all...all honorable Sisters...
Come I to speak in Rand's funeral.
He was my da** gewd lover, albeight *UN*faithful and unjust to me. (The man's love letters were "Trust no one till I return. Rand." and he he was a friggin 3-timer!!)
But Eggie sez he was ambitious, and Eggie is an honorable woman.
He hath brought many captives...
sul'dam, a'dam, you name it, for the gewd of Randland....
Did this in Rand seem ambitious (well, actually...)?!?!?
When that the poor in Illian have hungered, Rand hath given them rice.
(They gave him a crown for the cheap rice, but that wasn't ambition , was it?)
And he wouldn't send women of the Far Dareis Mai out to war for their honor!
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff...
Like his hot bod and hard abs!!! ::coughs::
Newayz, you all did see that he refused the crown of Andor in favor of Elayne (who was in league w/ him anyway).
Was this ambition?
Yet Eggie sez he was ambitious and sure she is an honorable WOman.
I speak not to disprove what Eggie spoke, but here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not w/out cause.
What cause w/holds you then to cry your eyes out and create some snot in your nose for him?
O judgement, thou art fled to the Shadow,
And men have lost their reason (gone mad from the Taint, and the Lord of Chaos is ruling).
Bear w/ me, my heart is in the coffin there w/ Rand, and I must pause till it come back to me. :*(